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Off. Shut Down.

Waking up sad and wondering if you matter to anyone. Wanting to be cared about so desperately it hurts. Everyday....Some days ,like today are worse than most. I have been crying on and off since I woke up and I don't know why. I'm so sad today. I'm so desperately wanting to just hear from someone....anyone. I have reached out. Like times before. Possibly to the wrong people, but none the less I tried. Not stating I was sad and wanted to talk. Just a good morning. How are you? wanting nothing but the same in return. It shouldn't matter what I say really. It would just be nice to feel like someone, anyone cares enough to ask. To just want to know how I'm doing. Good or bad. I wouldn't even say I'm doing terrible to be honest. I don't like making people feel bad or worry about me. That's not the attention I want. I think I come across as someone that is strong and doesn't need anyone and sometimes its true there are things I don't need help with. The reality is I don't like opening up to anyone, putting myself out there to get hurt. I'm hurting now and I have no one. I cant imagine what I would feel like if I opened my heart to someone and trusted them with my feelings then had a day like today and didn't hear from them. Am I wrong? Do I want something so unrealistic? I'm not sure and I guess I never will be.
I'm just overwhelmed with sadness today and all I want is a hug; I want to cry in someones arms for no reason.
Desperate to be distracted I'm going to drive around. Take some pictures. Try to get lost from reality and them possibly go to barnes and noble for some kind of interaction.

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